dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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