Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
