It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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