I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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