I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
