this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
