the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
