I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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