I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
