i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
