she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
