so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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