Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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