whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
