He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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