Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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