his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
