You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
