Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
