I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
