Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
