It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
