Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She bit a glass in half.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
