If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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