I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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