Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
