Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
