I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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