Your face is a jimmy john
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
