I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
