Can Purell be used as lube?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
