new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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