pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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