every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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