You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
