similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
