the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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