Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
