I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
