i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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