pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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