we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
