You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
