I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
