What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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