A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
