i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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