she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
