i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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