Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
